Assalamualaikum and hi. So today, is the first day of the semester and its quite unorganized. Its tiring too.
I'm happy that i finally met my boyfriend today after class and we had lunch together. I am very happy or to be exact, beyond happy to see him. But it seems like this semester might be harder for us to meet each other ? Maybe. I feel blessed because he is still here with me, bearing with all my attitudes and overthinking and insecurities. But i'm just quite upset because he didn't reply to my text tonight while actually he is online. Maybe he is busy or, i said something that might upset him without i acknowledge it. I guess i should just give him some time alone tomorrow. God i miss him.
Honestly this new semester is quite not a good start for me as there are a few things that happened even before the semester starts that upset and disappoint me. You know, i want to be the best for people around me (my family, my friends and my boyfriend). But i never feel that i am good enough for everyone. I feel that i am the one who needs to improve myself. I totally upset with myself so many times because letting people to see all my flaws and weaknesses. Maybe because i am desperately wants someone's attention. Wow look how desperate i am.
I tried to be independent and strong but i feel like no one would believe that i can be that person. People's perception about me really does matter to me right ? I know i shouldn't care about people's perception about me. I know all that but i keep on denying all the truth and i don't even know why.
I just need someone to talk to and i need a hug so bad right now. But my boyfriend is not replying to my text. I know i am so weak...