Assalamualaikum and hi. There's so much thing that happened today and today is my emotional day and not a good day for me. I don't know why but everything seems not right today.
First thing is, i woke up late today. Second, my grandma really not good in timing. Dia suka ajak keluar when its near to maghrib ke apa to buy things or anything lah yang need to leave the house. I'm not blaming her for this. I know she must've not realize it. Third, there's an open burning bila aku basuh baju. So my baju mostly bau asap and my room too. Then, when i'm taking my wudhu for my maghrib prayer, suddenly ada katak beside me and it came out from nowhere. Thennn, when i'm in the kitchen, suddenly ada cengkerik lompat dekat my hand. Lastly, someone that i quite don't like the person, came to the house at 10pm like seriously ? Its 10pm. And today, i didn't text with my boyfriend that much. But i don't blame him as i knew he is with his family, spending his time with them.
Lately, i cried quite a lot. For no reason and if there's a reason, its because i'm sad that i can't enjoy my semester break. I feel more like staying in a prison. That's why i always lock up myself in the room. I don't want to show my bad side to my grandma. I don't like it because i really appreciate my grandma's effort for taking care of me since i was a kid. Its not that i'm being fake, its just that, i just want to give my best to her,
I wanted to tell to my boyfriend how worst my day is today. But, i often tell him how depressed i am. It seems like i only wanted him to understand me and i'm not being understanding at all. Lagipun, he seems very tired today and enjoyed his day today. So i don't want to spoil the mood.
I don't know until when i will be like this. Keeping up all inside and rarely let it out about how i feel. I'm afraid that one day everyone will leave me because they can't stand my attitude anymore. Especially my loved ones. Now, its like in the drama you know, typing while crying and listening to my playlist.
Sometimes i just don't understand myself.