Assalamualaikum and hi. So i just had lunch with grandma and now i'm back to my room because...you know, i just love to stay in my room as my grandma is going to take her rest. So yeah. Do you know when people said that every time you are alone, you will start to think and it will become overthinking that it turns out you will be depressed ? I always have that kind of situation but am i depressed ? I don't know.
Sometimes, i don't like myself being easily insecure and overthink over a small things. For example ; my close friend unretweeted my tweet. It's ridiculous that i thought she hates me because she unretweeted the tweet. That is how easily i overthink. That's why i always appreciate the people that are still beside me till now and bare with my attitude especially my boyfriend and close friends. When it comes to insecurities, i will easily feel insecure when i see someone is so much better than me and moreover if the person are related to the people around me. I feel like there are so much flaws in me and i started to feel that i'm not good enough for everyone. I have no confidence. Its rare to see me with my confidence.
And sometimes, i feel that the whole world is against me. Like, everything i do was wrong and no one will notice my capability and my kindness. All people can see in me is my flaws and disability. I have trust issues too till i did reach this part where i don't believe anyone at all. Because i'm afraid and honestly i don't know what i'm afraid of.
I don't know what's got into me that i become like this and i feel that it becomes worst. I want to improve and i can see that my boyfriend and my close friends did help me. The decision is myself right now if i wanted to become the worst, or to improve myself to be the best.