Monday, April 10, 2017

Useless

Assalamualaikum. Hi. So i just came back from Seri Iskandar with my friend because i need to buy detergent and cake for my roommate. Well, it turns out with not a good story for now. First thing is, i went to the Finance Department to settle out about me and my sister's fees. Then, i went to Seri Iskandar area Tesco for breakfast and to Secret Recipe to buy cake then to Tesco to buy detergent. When i bought the detergent, i didn't realize that actually i bought a softener and not a detergent. So i wasted RM13 for the softener. My aim is to buy a detergent with softener in one bottle but it turns out i bought a softener. Sesungguhnya you are so clumsy Batrisyia.

   Then, when i came back from Seri Iskandar, i saw  like many patches of taik burung on my housemate's car. Man, she just spend her money last week to clean up the car and today ada taik burung. I feel so horrible and i clean it up by myself with the help of my friend tengah tengah panas terik tu. I don't know what's wrong with me. I over think too much. I tried to handle this overthinking but it's hard. I have my Economics test this evening and i didn't study a thing  because of this overthinking.

   What's on my mind is actually that, i feel like people talk bad about me and feel like i'm a burden to my friends and boyfriend and family too. I'm not independent enough and i always feel like i'm the most annoying person and not understanding to them. I feel like i'm a selfish person who only wants people to have their attention only for me. I always want to give the best to the people around me but i'm not capable enough to do that. Its beyond my capability. I'm afraid of having misunderstanding with my friends, i'm afraid that i can't give my best to my boyfriend, and i'm afraid that i can't give my family the thing that they are expecting from me. I always feel like i'm totally a useless person. I don't deserve to stay with anyone and i don't deserve anyone.

   Sometimes i'm mad with myself because too much of negative thinking and overthinking. And when i do, i will not able to do a thing and i can't even think properly. But, i feel blessed because my family, friends, and boyfriend are still with me even if i'm a useless person. Maybe because i love them so much that makes me feel like i always give a burden to them.

   If you guys are reading this, the first thing i wanted to say is that, thank you for accepting me and coping with me. I'm blessed to have you guys. I'm sorry if i have done any mistakes with or without knowing. I'm a human too and i make mistakes and i didn't realize it if u guys didn't say it. I hope you guys know that how much i value our friendship and relationship.

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