Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The Feeling of Not Being Good Enough

Assalamualaikum and hello peeps. What a productive day today. I just settle things up for Peer Helper Family Day tomorrow. And terserempak dengan boyfriend tadi hihihi. Tell me who's not happy when they can see their partner's face ? Sorry English terabur. Grammar selalu tak betul. So, at 6 maybe i have my rugby training and at night i have Basketball for my coq. Tuesday has always been my most productive day.

   Okay so what's with the title of my entry ? Well, batrisyia is being batrisyia. I just stalked my own boyfriend's twitter and i tengok all the things that he have posted until tahun berapa tah tak ingat. But i just tengok his media and i found out something. It is something that i've been asking him before this but he'll never answer. And what i expected was true. The weird thing is, i'm not feeling mad or something like that. I just feel kind of sad because i feel that i'm not good enough for him. It sounds kind of weird but i wanted to be the best for him and the one that he love so much. But i can't help from feeling that what i've done for him before this or present, is not enough. I'm always afraid that he will fall for someone else. That's why i'm being so clingy and...you know, always seek for his attention. And i always afraid when it comes to holidays because we will be far apart. I always have this thought were if we were not meant to be together. How i'm gonna accept that fact while i love him so damn much because..yeah he's my first love. I've never been this happy and i've never cry for a guy even i did have a boyfriend before this.

   Well, i'm just saying what's on my mind because actually i'm alone in the room right now and this is what i like to do. My friends always said that "don't mind the past because now you are the one who is with him" and i'm always glad that he came back after a long time and i'm always blessed and grateful that he is mine. Some people might say that i'm stupid enough because accepting someone that have been hurt me so much but time heals and i forgive him and i would love to have a good and better relationship this time. With him. I love you boyfriend hihi.