Monday, February 6, 2017

I Am Never Ready For This

Assalamualaikum and hi. So yesterday, he didn't show up after i waited him, by myself, alone, at our usual spot. He message me and said that he is already in his room and he said sorry because he just opened his phone. And he said that he wanted to play basketball and to complete his assignment after that. He promised to meet me tonight and i hope dia tak mengelak. I can feel that he is trying to mengelak dari jumpa.
     I'm crying continuously yesterday because i'm not ready for any circumstances. I'm not ready to break up with him and i don't want to. My  heart can't stop beating fast since yesterday. He started to call me 'bat' since yesterday. He did mentioned that he don't want to call me 'bat' as all my friend call me by that name. So he called me 'asya' as only my family members call me that name. And sometimes he called me 'sayang'. But yesterday, only 'bat'. I don't know what's on his mind bila suddenly he said that he regretted for what had happened past months. Did he regret for coming back in my life ? Did he regret that i'm his ? Then if yes, but why now ??? Our monthsary is around the corner. The day after tomorrow. This is the moment that i'm afraid the most. Being left by him, when he suddenly change. I slept all night yesterday hugging his sweater and when i woke up, i cried and my heart started to beat faster and i'm always anxious. He keep on giving me hints that he will left me just like what happened a year ago.
     I'm not ready for all this. Tak nak heartbroken second time with the same person. It will hurt more than before. I don't know how am i going to go through my days at UTP when he is around, when his block is near by my block. And now, i'm crying again.
     I'm just hoping that there's miracle happened tonight. But i'm afraid that i will be disappointed. I can't even manage to imagine anything because i'm afraid. If we were not meant to be together, i will not even able to see his face, to stay in UTP, to go to the places that we always went. There's so much memory of us in our campus because we rarely went out our campus. I don't know what he is thinking right now. I'm tired of crying and being a heartbroken person.