Hello people. Assalamualaikum.
Do you know, sometimes, i think most of the time, your second thoughts always kills you deep inside your heart ? Or is it just me that have a negative second thoughts ?
I hate myself sometimes for not being able to trust my boyfriend at least 1 or 2 things. It is because of my second thoughts. Honestly, i always fall for his sweet words. I can't deny that. But then, i started to think, did he said that just to comfort me or did he said it sincerely ? And like, now, he's not replying my message, i know he is busy playing games but then, i started to think, did he really play the games all the time ? Or is he now is talking to someone else that maybe treat him better than i do ? And sometimes when he make a joke about, like example, that he doesn't have the confident in me that our relationship will last longer, i feel that thats not a joke. Its real. How can someone make a joke for something like that ? Or maybe he did joke about that.
I hate having this negative thoughts because it make me feel depressed, and very very sad that it will make me feel like wanted to cry out loud. But all this thought, i'm afraid to tell him because i'm afraid that he might fed up with me, with my attitude. I don't know why do i feel so insecure. I just want him to know that how much i love him very much that i'm afraid, so damn afraid that the same thing might happened again or maybe there's a third party that can make him happier. And now i'm crying. How i wish he can feel that i'm so damn sad right now. And i always wanted him by my side. Forever.