Sunday, January 29, 2017

I Used to Love Holidays

Hello peeps. Assalamualaikum. So im on my Chinese New Year holidays. Back at home again after 2 weeks at UTP. Coz my parents wanted me and my sis to come home. So we are now at our hometown. Lagipun my lil sis dah lama tak balik.
   So my dear boyfriend tak balik. Kena tinggal dekat UTP. And i hate the fact that i dont like holidays since we get back together because im not able to meet him. Gosh bat why are you so clingy. But im not saying that i put my family aside because of him. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Kalau i put him first, tak balik le jawabnya cuti ni. Dah kahwin nanti lain lah cerita kan. Memang semuanya I put him first.
   Why i dont like holidays ? Because im not able to know what he is up to. Well, its not that im able to see him 24/7 when im at UTP. But at least i can meet him during the night when we both done with our daily routine. Thats how we let each other spend the day. Im not preventing him for doing the things that he like. He can go on and play basketball whenever he wanted to, he can go and hang out with his friends if he wanted to. He can do whatever he wanted to do as long as he did not do the things that he wouldnt want me to do.
   The weird thing is, i still feel insecure with him. Or maybe, more to fear. the fear of being left out by him, fear of the fact that he might get bored with me and the fear that he might not love me anymore. :( I dont know. Sometimes when im emotional on social media, im expecting him to ask me if im okay or not, if i need him on that time. But...i got nothing. Maybe because he is the type of direct person, that you need to tell them directly that you are not okay. And sometimes im wondering if he gets excited when received my messages because sometimes, he ignored my messages. ignore as in he is busy spending his time with the things that he like. Thats why sometimes i ask myself, did he really love me ? Or he just came back to tebus kesalahan semata mata, or because he is pity of me ? Im trying not to put any expectation when im back from holidays nanti. Im afraid i might get hurt or disappointed. And lately, he always bumped into his ex girlfriend. But as you know that im not hating his ex girlfriend because she is the one who makes my boyfriend to appreciate more on people that love him. oh well, i dont know what to say anymore. Im tired. :(