Sunday, November 20, 2016

Everything Seems to Feel Not Right

Howdies. Assalamualaikum. As usuall, im typing again because i have a huge concern and mixed feeling deep inside my heart and it made me feel miserable all the time.

   So, now, im getting back with my ex boyfriend. Yes, the one that i mad with a few months ago. I know its a foolish of me because im giving someone that hurt me the most a second chance. But, you just cant deny your feelings man. No matter how mad i am with him, i still love him. Thats the truth.

    Well, i see the changes in him. But that changes just last for a month when we just declared. I miss how he used to call me just because he misses me, and just to hear my voice. And i miss how he used to be quite clingy when he whatsapp-ed me just to ask where i am. But after a month, everything seems to change to usual when we used to be together before. He ignore me quite often, and layan macam nak tak nak. And, the worst part, its hard for me to meet him. It all happened when we fought 7 days ago. I always wonder if he still loves me, he still needs me in his life. I miss him so damn much but i dont know if he feel the same too. I think about it too much. About his ex, about his girl bestfriend, about my friends, my assignments, my life, everything. Is it so wrong for me to be happy for myself ? The moment i wanted to feel happy for myself, everything seems not to be right. I feel bad for being happy.

     You know, because of this mixed feeling, im not able to explain properly and exactly what i feel. everything that i type here is not exactly 100% what's inside my heart.

  At this moment, i can only ask Allah to ease everything because He is the Most Merciful. He knows whats the best for me and i accept everything that He has decided for me. 

Batrisyia.