So today is my second day meeting my boyfriend after i came back from KL. I'm too busy with my family during the weekend last week and i didn't contact with my boyfriend that much. But i still do send a good morning text (although i woke up late and although there's no 'good morning' in the text but it still considered as a good morning text right) and a good night text. I never missed out from telling him that i love him. But who knows, he had his own overthinking, thinking that i might text another guy besides him, and wondering why do i texted him while he is busy and vice versa.
I never thought that he might overthink along the weekend while i was not there. I'm sorry. I thought that he is busy with his friends so i didn't text him that much (as i am busy with my family too). He also didn't respond to my text until the day i sent him a photo of my bus ticket and we had an argument because i told him that my guy friend will fetch me up. But then i explained to him the reason why i asked for my guy friend to fetch me. In the end, my boyfriend is the one who fetch me because my girl friend canceled her plan to ride the bus together and i am very happy because i can met him right after i arrived here.
But then, i can see from his face that he is not okay. That something is going on his head. I can't see my cheerful boyfriend, that over-excited boyfriend who love to see me. It made me feel insecure. Although he told me that he actually had an overthinking while i'm at kl, i feel like there's another thing that is running through his head. I don't know if i am true or i'm just overreacting again.
Just now also, we went out for supper together, with his friend. I can see that he is happy but, i don't know. Maybe i'm just overreacting. But it made me feel more insecure when he said that "kenapa saya rasa muka awak makin gelap eh?". Somehow, i feel ashamed and in someway, i feel insecure. I feel more insecure when he said that he likes a girl with a fair skin. I'm hurt a little bit. Then i feel even more insecure when we were having a late-night-drive, suddenly he said that he feels awkward with me and he doesn't know why. He made me think and feel that his love for me is fading, that maybe i am no longer attractive to him. I really don't know if i am overreacting and overthinking or not but this is just how i feel. Plus, in some way, i feel horrible because i didn't pay his food while he is on his budget. Because i told him that as much as he likes to pay for my food, i would love to do the same too. But i didn't do it. I feel useless.
That's why when he is getting skinnier for example, i never showed that i like it. I'm sorry. I'm lying if i didn't like it. I'm just afraid that there will be another girl who are interested in him and that girl is more attractive than me. Or maybe he will find another girl that suits him better than me. I'm afraid that all these happiness that i get, is just temporary. I always feel afraid that he will leave one day when i am very happy with him. I'm sorry again if i am overreacting and overthinking...