Sunday, October 21, 2018

He Came.

Assalmualaikum and hi peeps. Today is quite a gloomy day for me since tomorrow dah start kerja balik and my boyfriend demam so i risau. But yesterday he came to see me. I was very excited. Only God knows how happy i am yesterday even though we met only for 2-3 hours.

   Yesterday we went to Aeon near my housing area and he treated Sushi for lunch and bought me Fifi for our 2nd anniversary almost 2 weeks ago. I bought him Trish too. Patung sebenarnya. Its a dog. A very cute dog. But then, semalam he started to feel weak. I saw him getting weaker yesterday.

   That's why we jumpa each other semalam sekejap je sebab i was very worried. Then yesterday, at first i told him that it might be impossible to follow him back but then i changed my mind but he won't allow me because he said that he is afraid he can't send me back home today. Semalam rasa berat hati gila kot nak bagi dia drive macam tu :(

   I really appreciate his effort datang sini semalam and meet me. Its his first time came from far to meet me. Thank you for coming, for layankan your clingy girlfriend.

   So just now we video called each other. He told me not to worry about him and he sad that he is okay. Hello, its a fever and dia kata dia rasa badan panas dari semalam. Lagilah sis risau aigoo. How i wish i was there to take care of him. I mean before this dia pernah demam but i think this time teruk sikit then before this. Ke im just overreacting? I dont know man.

   But sayang, i want you to know that, yesterday i was very happy that you came and i wanted to drive the car for you and take care of you. That 2 hours with you meant a lot to me. We discover your favourite place, bought each other a present, choose a shorts for you and had lunch together. (btw i know i ni lame sikit suka ulang ayat yang sama and semua ayat nak buat panjang panjang and like to call you my best man because you are my best man). Take care sayang and get well soon.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Clingy

Assalamualaikum and hi. I'm back at my rental house coz tomorrow, everything is back to normal. Work work work. And i need to start to take care of my body since i gained weight :/

   This weekend, i manage to spent it with my boyfriend. I miss him to be honest. I don't know why but i feel that my clinginess is becoming even worst than before... Just imagine at this moment, i'm missing him and wishing that i can have him in front of me right now. You know that kind of missing someone until it makes you wanted to cry? Yes i'm facing that right now. I miss everything about him especially his hugs and affection.

   Last Friday, i was very excited to meet him. I just started my work but i already excited for the day to end so that i can go to my man and meet him. I don't know if 2 weeks more i will able to meet him or not. I wonder if i have my own car, will i go to him every week?

   Somehow i feel that being with him, makes me feel at ease, protected and cared. At the same time, i wanted him to feel the same way too. Last night, i was at my lowest. He came, to comfort me. No words can describe how blessed i am i felt last night. Even though he need to pack for his field trip, need to rest, he came to me instead. Sometimes i feel that i'm a burden to him. I'm sorry if you feel that way but i really appreciate your effort. I can't ask for more. You alone, is enough for me. I never imagine that i will have you in my life. Thank you for existing. I really do love you and only you. 

Monday, October 8, 2018

Our 2nd Year Together.

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. Today is one of the most important date in my life. I am happy, i mean, beyond happy because something that is almost impossible to me once upon a time ago, is something that is possible today.

   On this date, i let this one guy, which is my significant other, into my life again. I gave this guy a chance because who knows, i still have faith in him, that he can be a better man. I guess for now, and hopefully in the future, he is the best man for me. He is the best thing that ever existed in my life. The man that i love so much, that i love him with all of my heart, the man that saw all my flaws but still accept me the way i am, the man that always forgives me everytime i made a mistake, and the guy who patiently and willingly have that heart to heart session with me and solve our problems without leaving it hanging. He always let me learn my mistakes without judging me and always supports me in everything i do.

   Of course there's ups and downs but i'm glad that we go through it together well and hopefully continue to support each other in the future.

   I miss you and i'm quite sad because we are quite far (like 1 hour away) from each other on this date and can't meet each other since i'm working and you have classes. But hope to see you soon.

   I want you to know, and always remember, that how much you love me, i love you that much too and even more. I'm glad that you came and thank you for made me believe in you again. I know it must be hard for you to face my insecurities and overthinking. But thank you for always patiently give me the chance to slowly let go of the past and start a new chapter with you. I hope that the love that we have for each other never fade away. (i know this post made you cringe so much but oh well) Last but not least,

I love you my man.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

So Close Yet So Far

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. So here i am again, of course updating my blog when im being emotional and when i am at my lowest. Let me begin with my internship journey.

   I decided to do my internship in Ipoh, because the payment is the highest for an intern like me and of course, because i think it might be easier for me to meet my boyfriend. But what can i say, we both have no car, and we are about 50 mins away from each other. 2 weeks passed since i started my internship and he started his new semester. We get along well and we managed to meet each other because the first night i arrived in Perak, i stayed overnight at my sister’s room in UTP and i met my boyfriend.

   The moment he asked me ‘nak jumpa?’ , i was very excited. very. The first thing that i did was to hug him, very tight, because i missed the man in front of me at that night, the one that i wanted to meet so bad, the only person that makes me feel secure. That night was the happiest night because i finally meet my man.

   Then on the second week, i met him again. And i cant forget how excited he is, how frequent he looked at me and how frequent he said that he misses me. I just love how he expressed his feeling towards me at that time. That almost 3 hours with him was so precious to me.

   But today, we had and argument. Its about how badly i wanted his attention but i know, he respect my time to work. I appreciate that so much. I know its my fault, for blaming him because he always busy playing games. I know maybe when he plays the game and spend his time with his friends, is because he wanted to make himself busy, to make him forget for awhile how he misses me too. I know i shouldnt express my feelings about him busy playing games. But i did already. And he is mad at me right now, and i make the situation turns the other way. We talked, we laughed at first when we video called each other just now but then, after i expressed my feelings selfishly, everything becomes the other way. I regretted it. Because i will always be the one who spoiled everything.

   I miss my man so much, i want his hugs so bad too. But all i did was to make the situation worse. Im sorry. I just misses you very much...

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Gaining Weight

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. Right now, i completely loose my self-confident right now and i started to hate myself. I realized since the holiday started, i slowly gaining weight and the part that i hate the most is that i’m gaining that weight that i used to have when i just finished my SPM. I dont want to tell what is my weight at that time.

   But then i loose my weight after that because i entered university and not long after that i joined the rugby team and i always fasting. So i succeed to loose 10kg and i honestly love myself at that time and i am happy because i can where anything i want. But it doesnt last long.

   So during this holiday, i dont know why i can’t control my appetite to eat. I will always eat. But then i realized that i need to take care of my body so i started to do skipping and drink green tea and try to control my eating habit. I know its just been 2 days since i started that routine but i was shocked when i checked my latest weight, oh God only God knows how depressed i am and pressured i am. I feel like i want to burst out and cry out loud.

   Somehow people might laugh because i feel depressed because of these but it matters to me. I want to have a healthy body and i tried to have that healthy body but i dont know whats wrong. People around me is slim and can eat as much as they want but me? Do you feel me when you are the only one who needs to control makan but everyone is eating happily without hesitation? And when that moment happens, everyone force me to eat and saying something like “ala bukan selalu” but the pressure is on me.

   I am sad when everytime the blame is on me when my weight is gaining. I dont want this. I wish i could just vanish from people’s life right now. Sometimes i also think of taking the easiest way to slim because i desperately want to have that healthy body. I hate that things like this, just about my weight, i feel depressed and sad. Because in the end its my fault for not controlling my eating habit right?